A fear has never once cared that you know it is irrational.
Flying, driving, needles, lifts, the doctor's — and the fears that only start once you are somewhere new.
What we work on
- Getting specific. 'Fear of flying' is really twenty different moments: the booking, the airport, the door closing, the turbulence. We find which of them actually carry the fear.
- The ladder. A list of your own, ordered from what you could nearly do today to what feels impossible. We start much lower than you expect, and move at a pace you set.
- Letting go of the props. The things that get you through also teach your body that you only survived because of them. Dropping them, one at a time, is often what makes the difference.
- What the body is doing. The physical alarm is fast, old and not under your control. Understanding it removes the second fear, which is the fear of your own reaction.
Living abroad turns some fears into a real problem
A fear of flying is an inconvenience when your family is two hours down the motorway. When they are a flight away, it decides whether you see them at all. The same is true of a fear of driving in a country where you now need a car, or a medical fear when every appointment also has to happen in a second language.
There is also a set of fears that only begins after a move: the telephone, because you cannot see the other person's face and the Spanish comes fast; the doctor's, because you are not certain you would understand the answer; driving where you do not know the rules by instinct. None of these are silly. They are ordinary fear attaching itself to things that genuinely are unfamiliar.
Specific fears are among the things psychology has been working on for longest. What keeps them going is avoidance, and avoidance is something you can change — gradually, and in an order you agree to.
What actually changes
Not that the fear disappears on cue. That you stop handing it decisions.
- You book the thing — the flight, the appointment, the drive — instead of finding a reason not to.
- The physical surge stops being a sign that something is wrong and becomes something you have felt before and sat through.
- You drop the props one at a time, and find out you did not need them.
- The map of where you can go stops shrinking and starts growing again.
Who it is for
If a specific fear is deciding things for you: the flight home you do not book, the driving you will not do, the appointment you keep postponing because it would have to happen in Spanish.
- What exactly you avoid, in order, from barely uncomfortable to impossible.
- What you do to get through it — the seat you pick, the person you bring, the drink beforehand — and how each of those keeps the fear alive.
- Fears the move itself created: unfamiliar roads, the telephone, medical appointments in another language.
Who it is not for
It is not one technique applied to everybody, and it is not exposure thrown at you before you are ready. I do not promise that a fear will be gone by a particular date.
When it makes sense to get in touch. When you are planning your life around not meeting the thing, when it is costing you flights home or medical appointments, or when the people around you have started arranging things so you never have to face it.
The first consultation is free. It is there for you to tell me what is going on and for me to see whether I can help, with no obligation to continue.Book the free consultation →
Frequently asked questions
Is therapy for a specific fear online, or at my home in Granada?
Whichever suits you: by video call from wherever you are, or at your home if you live in Granada. The session is the same; only the place changes. If you are not sure which fits, we look at it in the first consultation.
Can a fear of flying be worked on if I only fly a few times a year?
Yes, and most of the work needs no aeroplane. The booking, the anticipation, the days beforehand and the safety behaviours can all be worked on from a room, and we plan for the flight itself when one is on the horizon.
My fear is of medical appointments in Spanish. Is that a phobia or a language problem?
Often both, and the mix matters. We look at what is fear of the medical setting itself and what is the entirely reasonable worry of not understanding an answer that matters, because the two need different things done about them.
Do I have to face the thing I am afraid of straight away?
No. You set the order and the pace, and we begin well below what you think you ought to be able to manage. Pushed too fast, exposure teaches the fear rather than undoing it.
Can we work in English if the situation I am afraid of happens in Spanish?
Yes. We think it through in English and prepare the specific Spanish you will need for the moment itself: the sentence for the receptionist, the question for the doctor. Those are two different jobs and it helps to keep them apart.
What is the first consultation like?
The first consultation is free and we do it by phone or by video call. It is there for us to meet, put some order on what is going on and see whether I can help. You do not need to arrive with an answer, or to be able to explain exactly what is wrong.